Saturday, August 06, 2005

The story.. Part 12

I received her greeting which she had asked her friend to send on my birthday. Was glad to get that. Preeti suggested to get a gift for her since she had sent a greeting. Asked her to get one, was sure that what we had set in before coming to mumbai was almost an irreversible process... Still wanted to talk to her... have some reason to do that.. a gift would give me that. No calls and messages for another 2 days. Was desperate to reach mangalore back. Started from mumbai in what seemed to be longest journey of my life. Took a flight to Bangalore. met some friends there. Then took a bus to Mangalore. Went to office on time. looked at her desk.... found it empty.. remembered that she was on holiday that day. Lost the whole interst to be in office. dragged that day somehow to the closure and waited for the next day. She reached office a bit late the next day (nothing new considering that her ontime percentages were always low, but that seemed quite late to me). All our team members used to go for a coffee together, 2 times a day. That day too I got up to go. wanted to call her.. did not have courage.. asked one of our other team members to get her and come for coffee. He did that. talked with all others in the pantry.. but everything seemed sl silent. she was not speaking anything.. looked like she cried a lot.. wanted to ask her... but nothing came out.. In the afternoon I sent her a message that I had to give her a gift. she said that she too had to give one. she came to my desk and we exchanged gifts.. was trying to look into her eyes. she did not look up and went back to her desk. Later sent a mail saying that the gift was good. I started to feel that I have lost her...

The story.. Part 11

Did not update for a long time :) apologies :)
I went home for my birthday in April. Took a week long leave. That was the time I ran last of our simulations. Just before my leaves me and fawdi had a discussion on what to do next. 2 options for us. Either get married or just forget each other and carry on with our lives. not as easy as it looks. Marriage was the difficult part of it considering the host of issues which could come in between us. For starters , just being from different lingistic backgrounds, to me being from mumbai and she from a small town. Then there was a fear of hurting our parents and relatives. We decided to call it off. So only professional relation from now. no more messages, no personal mails, not even talking without a professional reason :) deciding that, we went home. (She went to her home and me mine).
Suddenly time seemed to stop, my mobile which was always shivering with messages fell silent... I reached home after a tiring journey and tried to relax. tried my level best to think of something else. but fawdi refused go from my mind. was always lost in her thoughts.. pushing days.. Finally it was the night before my birthday.. could not sleep that night. was waiting for someone. something told me that I will get a call from her now.. atleast a message.. was lying in my bed for an hour trying to sleep.. checking if my mobile was working.. what the time was.. 1030, 11, 1130, 1145. became sad. but at the stroke of 12, my faithful mobile rung. It was her message :)))) me called back immediately said thanks :) she asked if I was waiting for her message, said yes. Then suddenly remembered what we had decided. without talking much i disconnected...

Saturday, May 21, 2005

The story.. Part 10

Me landed back in India on 4th Feb and in Mangalore on 7th Feb. Was so happy to be back here. So happy to see Fawdi again finally. she had brought me a gift, a small teddy, now called CHOTU, a small friendship frame and a card. I did not bring lots of chocolates. Almost the whole team here barring some 5 people were new to me. Slowly got used to them. Enjoyed the first few weeks with nothing much to do. Coffee started regularly, with members of my former team. That included fawdi :) Went for trekking on 2 of the weekends. Quite fun. Fawdi was on bench that time. Nothing to do. She used to come and sit on my desk (literally!!!) for some time. Me and fawdi used to chat on Intranet, go out for shopping. dinner, or just roaming around. Those were some of the most care free days of my life. I did not think about anything. What would people think about us roaming around, more importantly about her, than me.
There is nothing to do in Mangalore on weekends. So Me and Kannan joined the Driving classes.
Meanwhile she went home one weekend after some weekends together. And was on leave on the coming monday and tuesday. I started missing her more then. I got an update then that all her further interviews were on hold till further notice. :) Till she got rid of her braces. Some more time for us to be together.....

The story.. Part 9

I wanted to come back for another major reason. While at onsite there was no training. I was not gaining any technical knowledge. Not that I was not learning something. I was learning something that many dont get chance to do in early stages of career, Client interaction. Understanding the client needs, and proposing solutions. Won many accolades for that. But I will take that later, in some other blog :)
I talked to my project manager saying that I am tired of working on the same thing again and again and wanted some role change, more client interaction, more into consulting. About my project manager, the less I talk about his managing abilities the better, but he was always good to me. Knowing fully well that Miss K was waiting to come onsite, I asked him to send me offshore. (How my coming offshore would help me getting more client interaction is topic of another blog :)) As expected, he said that was on the cards and there would be a rotation soon. A lousy reason as it sounded to me, This was fine with me. Soon Miss K was at onsite and me giving her basics of the projects I handled. Soon my date of going back was fixed to Feb 4th
All this while I continued to talk with fawdi, But I was still not sure if I would meet again....Since there were new and better proposals coming up for her....

Friday, May 20, 2005

The story.. Part 8

I hoped to travel back by end of December. But then it got extended. Meanwhile her parents consulted some astrologer. It was predicted that she should get married by October 2005 or else she would not be marrying for the next 2 years. Search started for a groom with greater intensity. She used to go home every weekend for interviews. I used to tease her a lot those days with names of all the people who used to come to meet her. Back of my mind the thought that I will not be able to see her again... I had updates about each of her interviews, we used to chat when she used to go home too, for hours. Soon I was a known name to her parents.
Meanwhile on the projects front we had a major relase in the month of Jan. This freed a lot of resources onsite. Also there was no major project coming up. There were some projects going on, but nothing that could last for more than 2 months. I saw my chance of going back.
One of my friends in NonSAP project in Basel wanted his wife to be onsite. He was an important member in the team. He had to be onsite. He simply refused to be onsite if his wife is not there. He had her inducted into our team due to her J2EE background. He also got assurance from Account manager that she would be the next one to come onsite. But the next project was nowhere to be seen. She had to wait....

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

The story.. Part 7

Not thinking of what would happen next, we continued talking, mailing and messaging. I thought I can come back by December end. I made plans the celebrate new year together.
Then came November, when my parents and sister came to Basel. I went on a one week long leave. Celebrated Diwali with my parents at my home. All this while I continued to talk to her. Since I was not in office at this time, she used my web ID for mails. I told her i would not be able to access the mails quite often as I would be travelling. Mails continued nevertheless into my account. I created a separate folder for her mails and named it JUNK. Sms too continued regularly. Dad did ask me sometimes who this Fawdi was. Told him that she was my girlfriend. Knowing me he did not take that seriously. I introduced my sister to her once on yahoo and they too started chatting. Then I went to Paris with my parents. did not have internet access there. Also phone was switched off. So no contact with her for a whole day. Next morning I searched for the nearest cyber cafe and checked my mails. Some 20 mails in there from her. missing me... replied back. Pat came the reply.. She was in office and getting my mails. Had a small chat that time. I returned back from Paris to Basel while my parents continued the trip to london. This was a dream come true for my Mom, who used to say "london la challi" (Going to london) to small children whenver she used to go out. :)
There was another first time in that trip... First time I saw my dads watery eyes as I dropped them at the Zurich airport. Somehow managed to keep myself patient and saw them off. Cried on my way back to Basel.... only person knowing that was again Fawdi.

Monday, May 16, 2005

The story.. Part 6

Then some incidents happenned. I heard her crying on the phone. Was terribly upset. Dont know why. I was waiting to see her after that. But my onsite was not going to end soon, I was put into another project there. My fourth one at onsite. When I asked my manager about returning offshore, I was told that you may be here till Syngenta account is there with our company or till you are there i the company :(
Meanwhile my talks with Fawdi were becoming more and more frequent. I used to tall to her for long hours and tease her a lot. Sometimes we used to have fights on this. But mend them quickly as netiher of us could live without the mails and calls. During this time, Binoy, Kannan, Priya, Nithya returned offshore. I was left with Sreejith and Piyush. Not that I was allergic to them, but I did not fit in their company. I started to be more and more alone. And at the same time talking more and more with Fawdi. Some day we discussed what would happen if we would never be able to meet again. Considering the fact that my onsite trip was getting extended and her parents were already searching for a groom. Chances were bright that by the time I reach offshore, she would be married happily.
One of our project mates got married and she left the company to go to UK. This again brought the discussion whether we would meet again... I tried some simulations to see what would happen then. These were damn successful :) the simulations were successful, but i realised it would be almost impossible for me to remain a week without talking, mailing or sending messages to her... I was so used to her presence...

The story.. Part 5

Not knowing what to do... I called in expert advice. Miss Priya Prabhakar, Aunty, as I fondly call her. I showed her the mails to confirm if what I was thinking was correct and if Fawdi was already infatuated with me. She asked me clearly what do I think about her. Told her that I did not think anything about her. Then she saw the mail and asked me to relax. Tell her whatever you feel and dont take this any forward. So I mailed her back with whatever I said. For about a week I could not talk to her properly. Finally she replied that what she meant was that she was so used to talking to me and getting my mails that if I stop all of a sudden it would be difficult for her. I am still not sure if what she said at time was just to so that I dont be to tensed and worried and continue normally. Also I am afraid to ask her again now, already asked 100 times till now. I felt a bit relaxed after that. Aunty helped me so much in this difficult time. Talking to me and never leaving me to be sad.
Priya then advised me to continue as friends as we had now clarified whatever we were feeling. The started flood of mails and messages. At one point of time I was spending almost 30 CHF per week on my mobile with a major chunk going to sms. Chatting and Mailing continued...

The story.. Part 4

My project started getting more and more critical. I had to do nightouts. On the other side her project also had serious delivery lapses. She also used to do nightouts. We would talk to each other ocassionaly in the night. Relaxing a bit after long working hours. I got a mobile there and we used to send messages to each other. Even if it was very costly for her to send international SMS. We also used to chat on Yahoo messenger on weekends.
Finally the critical project reached a stable state. As Piyush began to handle the project more and more independently, I was moved to new project. She was also moved out to another project. Our friendship which had by now taken firm grounds continued to grow.
Slowly the number of people in Basel from our team grew. At one time there were 7 of us youngsters there. (Okay 6 if you dont count me as youngster ;)) We used to roam around on the weekends. On one weekend we went to mount Titlis for a trip. Binoy and me were sitting on one side of the train near the window. I happenned to get her sms at that time. Binoy snatched the phone from me and saw it. It was nothing but a Missing you sms. Not that Binoy was not aware of this. He immediately cautioned me that this friendship could easily turn painful. More so for her. I was not thinking of that till that point of time. Dont get involved too much was what he said.
Coming back to Basel, I dashed off a mail to her. She was at her home at that time. I told her what Binoy said and adviced her not to get involved too much. Not expecting a reply at that time I slept. Checking my mails in the morning I found a mail from her. The phrase that caught my attention was "its already late". I went numb and tense. Did not know even what to think...

Sunday, May 15, 2005

The story.. Part 3

You guessed it right... Otherwise there would not be this story let alone the part 3 :)
We still used to send mails to each other. Frequency was reduced to only one or two a day now. I was getting busy with my activities (Was my first client interaction!!). She also got busy in the project.
My stay in Basel seemed to extend for more than 6 months. We got a project, a huge one. We were to staff more people in the project. I would be leading the same with around 25 people offshore. For those who dont know, My previous company had 17 people including the chai wala. I was all excited and tensed. I did not want to mess this up. I hoped that she got into our project. She was in a different project and was the lone person there.
Then something happenned. Now it seems all was preplanned :) The project she was working got scraped and I was able to talk to my manager and get her blocked before any other projects could pick her up. Not that there were many other projects anyways :) So finally she was in to our project. We initiated the project. This was going to be the biggest project we had undertaken and I needed help in this. Piyush came onsite to help me out. I was leading the project from onsite and with her being the lead developer offshore. We continued to exchange mails. Frequency increased to 5-10 mails (Not official okay :)) with occassional calls.
Again as time would have it, There came another project. High profile. Fully taken up onsite. No one else was there who could take that. I was pulled out of the current project and asked to take the high risk one. :( Was busy again. No time to mail and talk. She continued to be in touch anyways. And now I realise how important keeping in touch at that point was...

The story.. Part 2

But that was not what was suppossed to be..
We were still in contact. Not talking directly though. I was in a secure zone with very little time to roam around and she was not allowed to enter the zone. We used to write mails first. Then started the intranet chat. Finally came to sending sms. The foundations of friendship were being laid.
If you people know me, you would agree with me that I am a pretty brainless entity talking anything to anyone i know more than 10 mins. (Okay those who dont agree can send me mails later ;)) So we continued talking even after not seeing each other for days together. One day got a mail from her saying that she was going to her home to meet her friend (school friend I guess) on a weekend. (Its usual for truck loads of malayalees here to go home on weekends!) I wished her a happy journey and a good stay at home. When she came back she told me something which I would not expect her to tell someone like me (I mean, we were not very close friends yet!) She told me that she cried a lot and was still feeling sad. Seems this was the last time she would see her friend. I tried to console her. And I did that successfully. Though this incident in itself does not have any significance, this was the first time she had told me that she cried. And I did not like that...
From that day on, I was more free when talking to her. We were becoming closer friends. I would not still call her my best friends, but a very good friend. Someone who trusted me...
Then again... as this friendship was starting to take off...
Her project mate was to be released for training. She was suppossed to take care of the whole support. This meant she would have lesser time. I was suppossed to go to Basel, switzerland for a 4 month long assignment. I thought this was end of it... We will not be able to maintain contact now...

Saturday, May 14, 2005

The story.. Part 1

Am writing this as she travels in a bus to Pune... and I am already missing her.
Fawdi is a small, shy, silent reserved girl having large soda water glasses and has braces. Came to our project somewhere in November 2003. She joined as a part of second expansion of the project along with one other member. Liked her as a technical person. Was not actually the brightest person around, but worked hard. Tried to understand things. I gave her some gap analysis of the requirements that we had gathered. She did not have a clue what to do! Expected that as no one would have slightest Idea what my domain was let alone doing a high level stuff like gap analysis. Even then she did a good job. She did make some mistakes. I told her that I did not expect her to be perfect at the first time itself. :) As nothing good stays with me for long, soon she was moved into another project.....And that seemed to be the end of it.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

The week that was

Nothing important done in the last week. There was supposed to be some tests planned but got postponed to 4th April. So was relaxing. PM also on leave, no one around to bug for work :)
Apart from work a lots of things happened.

Was planning to take a leave aroung 22nd April ( dont ask me why :)) Required 4 days for getting the complete week, but had only 3.5 days left. so went to my PM and asked for 4 days leave and said I would apply later. He agreed provided I had a backup. So job done. A bit late though. No reservations available now. Somehow planned the trip via Bangalore. So I will be in Mumbai from 16th afternoon to 24th afternoon.

2 of my friends here got their new cars. One black Santro and one Black WagonR. And am still on clutch and brakes :( thats okay. In a way thats good :) I dont have to drive and have luxury of choosing which car to take to office today ;) Went to on a drive today. of course not me driving :)

Went to a temple some 150 kms from here. only 3 of us. So I had again the luxury of even choosing the driver. Both of my roommates fighting for the drivers seat and me as arbitrator. Had a nice time sleeping in the back seat enjoying the AC. Back from there, now am sitting in office waiting for yet another driving class. Hope I graduate to gears now :)

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Another weekend

What can you expect on a weekend in Mangalore? Just lots of boredom, and now-a-days lots of heat too. Fortunately some good people are around me. So this weekend though boring was not as bad as I thought.
Saturday started early morning in office and then continued sluggishly into the afternoon. Finally we signed the papers for the learners license. Nothing great in that apart from the fact that we were supposed to do that on Monday. Then some dirving lessons immediately afer that. Came back to office after lunch. But why did I come back to office. Officially for some code review, but I can tell you it was because of the AC working here ;) Had planned another round of driving lessons in the afternoon. But I could not complete the lessons as the car ran out of gas. The teacher put it on petrol, but that too finished fast. We then learnt the history of Shettys in Mangalore and Mumbai till the time some help came (This could be a topic of another blog!) Day finally finished with Dinner with Kannan and Fawdi. That was actually fun with kannan and me showing some CIVILISATION :)
Sunday was a different game altogether. Had some plans in mind at the start of the day. All completed by now. Completed some work, then had driving lessons and then went for a movie with Fawdi (cant believe I actually went for a movie with her) and then did some shopping, Got my first pair of shoes. Okay not that I was walking barefoot all these days, these are the first pair of formal shoes I got for myself. Then had some jiuce and now back in office. Plan to go to Dinner now with Kannan, Shylu an Fawdi.
In retrospect, Am just thinking.......

Sunday, March 13, 2005

The clutch and brakes

Driving class today was a new experience. You must be really bored of this driving class blogs, but this is the single most important thing happenning in my life now.
So todays class was another fiery session with the teacher firing :) Almost killed a virtual man standing behind my car. Even after the teacher evin me 4 tries to do a U turn, I am still hell bent on not getting that. Okay enough of driving lessons for YOU. :) I am continuing anyways.
Nothing else going on in my life, thinking of something and then reverting back seems to have become my habit. More on this later....

Saturday, March 12, 2005

My second driving class

The day finally came after a long wait of 6 days. My second driving class. After the first class I was not very confident of the second day. I asked Kannan to go first to the driving as I was a bit scared. He flatly refused. So I had to get in first. We gave the teacher our photos for the Driving license. That reminds me that we had to go to RTO office to get our learners license today but we did not go as this is a second saturday and the office is closed. :) (Am so happy about that :))
So "lo prabhu ka naam" (Not that Prabhu you idiot!!) and I started the car. Surprise surprise ....

I was actually driving (??) correctly. Except for one instance where I released the accelarator when we were on a rising slope all went fine :) This is not what I expected. I strongly suspect the Teacher of some malicious activities from his side of the controls. And one very inportant thing was that the car was not the same we used last weekend. The steering of this car had to be turned a bit right for it to go straight. (Surprising but true :))
But this certainly gave me some confidence and I am loking forward for tomorrow for yet another lesson :)
Clutch and brakes tomorrow :))

Sunday, March 06, 2005

My first driving class

Finally a year and a half after I first resolved to join the Driving class.

Slept early yesterday at 10.30 (very early considering that it was a saturday night :)). Woke up at around 4 in the morning. Something strange.. Was not able to sleep properly. Was actually measuring how much the start that i was seeing out from the window was moving in a minute. As my mathematics is weak, Obviously i was not able todo that. What that did do was incude a peaceful sleep till 11 am. Woke up to find my roommate doing some serious coding!! Then we did some talking and agreed to go to office in another hour and a half (He is a perfect companion to go to office :)). Then the most unexpected thing happenned.

He got a call from the driving school saying that we can start the driving lessons from today and we have to be at the school in another 20 mins!!! Somehow we convinced the teacher that we can come there in half an hour. Just about up from sleep and going to the first driving class....
After a long time, i moved out of the house without a bath (Okay, I know you wont believe this, but i am having bath regularly since November 2004. Dont ask me the reason for this change. Those of you who know me well would know :)) Just walked down the road to our office discussing something about something ( I dont really remember. Have a small brain :))

After waiting for some time our Driving teacher came there with the car. I was literally dancing there to go for the ride first, to which the stunned teacher and my roommate agreed.

"You know how to ride a 2 wheeler? No
Okay lets start anyways....."

Teacher told me the basics controls of the car and asked me to start. For the next half an hour, he lost his peace of mind and his cool and his control of the car.

"Thoda left...
Foot on the accelarator...
Keep your hands still....
Turn with only one hand held on the steering...
A little slow...
Control your speed....
A little on the right...
Keep turning right....
Nooo dont turn now, go till the start of the turn...
No accelarator on the turn..."

A perfect newbie for driving as I am, I am perfectly out of sync of Speed and Direction. I could control only one at a time. Nearly bumped off a bus and was about to be down a hill. Fortunately the car used for driving has breaks and clutch on the teachers side too. This saved the day and I finished my first driving class. Then it was my roommates turn. He had very little issues as he was already experienced in 2 wheeler driving. He finished the lessson without any mishaps.
I planned to get the license soon. But with todays experience, It will be definitely ambitious to think something like that :))

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Joining Driving classes

Nothing to do in mangalore on the weekends. Last 2 weekends I was with Fawdi most of the time, or talking to her or messaging her. Inshort constantly in touch. But this weekend is a bit different from the earlier weekends I had in mangalor after returning back. Kannan and Binoy did not go to their homes. Binoy was actually here till some time back but has finally gone home. Fawdi has gone to her home since Wednesday. Will be back only on Tuesday. we had some good fights over completely useless things, description not required. So I am not disturbing her peaceful vacation till tuesday. kind of missing her. but that seems just fine.
Okay coming back to the fact that there is nothing to do in Mangalore on weekends. I dont knowdriving a four wheeler or a 2 wheeler. So Kannan and I have joined the driving school here. 25 hours of teaching. Hope I will get my licence before my birthday :) But the sad part is that our teacher is not well today and the class will be called off most probably.
Coming to birthdays, I have lost count of how many birthdays I have forgotten in the last 3 years. Almost every birthday including preet's birthday.Was fortunate enough that I called just by chance on that day.
So am siting in office doing nothing... someone gave a good definition of nothing, NOTHING is absence of anything... :)

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Changes

For some time now my life was not changing. Same old things going on. Same project same job profile, same old things to do. But since I have returned back to Mangalore, things have been moving swiftly. Earlier, in mangalore, I would not have even dreamed of taking a weekend off to go to Goa. And there I was enjoying a sunday with Makarand in Goa. Trekking was what we had done last in Matheran some 4 years back. and Last weekend I found myself trekking to Kudulatritha with the Syngenta EAI team here. I thought I would have some time for myself as soon as I come back to Mangalore. But Am in middle of yet another project and am finding myself increasingly busy. Am coordinating a project for Singapore sitting here in India, just as i used to do from onsite.
Things around me also have been changing swiftly. Am one of the oldest member of the project now. Am treated with some respect here. Our PM also has left the company, Yet another PM would be joining Syngenta EAI, fourth one at offshore now. One new PM will be joining the Onsite team. Athar will be on a leave for a month. Cant imagine life at onsite without Athar who always used to keep us on our toes. Will have to see how things work out in his absence.
Finally Am still undecided on whether to get my stream changed from Project management to Technical. Was almost sure I have to do that till I had a chat with Jagan. But am uncertain again. Anyways this will be postponed for atleast a month now, since Athar is on leave and Jagan has already left. Aage aage dekhiye hota hai kya....

Friday, February 18, 2005

Me back in India

Finally I am back where I belong. My country, my land, My city(?), my animals, my mosquitoes, my people, my busses, my trains :) so good to be back. Nothing has changed here. Same old company, same old trains, same old friends, same old FAWDI. But some things have changed. The fact that I was an ordinary SE when I went to Switzerland with almost no voice. Now am a PA (they say its good to be one :)) and people do listen to me. wanted to write something good. but i seem to be jumping on many thoughts now. so will write something later :)
Cheers!!

Sunday, January 09, 2005

My project and Project Management (?)

Now why this question mark after project management. To give some background for this blog first. Had our appraisals this week. Pretty okay kinds. Had a long discussion with my manager on the way the project has proceeded. Said I am not particularly happy about the way our project has been managed (if at all it was "managed"). As expected he did not agree to what I was saying. But was able to convince him that we have made some terrible mistakes! Just thought of putting my thoughts on paper (??).
As a company I would have liked to get some learnings from the other implementations we have already done. Instead what we have here is learnings from tons of mistakes we have made ourselves. I could have done the same being in my previous company, what advantage does being in a company reputed for the "process" gives me? Nothing at all. May be this project is an exception! may be not...
EAI projects normally do not require huge amount of designing and technical skills just the right approach and tracking.
approach is to get learnings from all projects, look at the landscape of the client, apply the learnings there. This is how you can give value to the client. Not just taking whatever the client asks and dumping poor quality (both code and design) implementations, then do the patchworks to please the client (Man am I sick of this!).
Tracking is another important thing I found missing. How do we track projects? Project plans, you cannot expect a person with 6 months of experience to come out with a plan for execution. This is the task of the managers. If there is no plan how do you expect anything to be done correctly.
My manager says, you should take care of the dependencies, think proactively and all big fundas. Are we doing this as a company? I dont think so. Are we thinking about long term relationships with the client. Negative! Past one and half year of association with our company has not given any value add to the client(talking of value add, has it got even value for its money, let alone "add" part!) They seem to have lost trust and confidence in the so called solutions we provide.
Why am i so concerned of all this? I am growing in this company very fast, being the first one from the batch to go onsite, withing one year of being here for a long term, Getting recognitions like star of the month, Most valuable player, and promotion and salary hike and...
This is not the reason I came here! My purpose is not getting served here. Am not learning anything, neither technical neither managerial. Seems time has come to get lost from here....